Time for me

Many stay at home moms are told that they don't have a life of their own, and that not having time for themselves is "sad".  Well, maybe.  I'm not so sure.  Small children, in my opinion, are a mother's responsibility.  And they take time.  Often it is not that I don't have a life of my own, it is that I only have so much time and energy in a day for two young lives and a marriage, and am putting a few of my own wants in life on the backburner.  Not forever.  For this season in my life.  And while my children are young and growing I don't want to miss anything.  I have a limited time where MY input and values can be impressed on them before they start being influenced by other adults and children, and I want to make sure that they get my full attention.  Would I like more pedicures, or shopping (for adult-size clothes and shoes), or time off?  Maybe.  But I can live without them for a while.  Often self-sacrifice is what mothering is about.  Soon they will be in school and I will have hours every day to myself to do what I want.  And I'll be able to spend that time selfishly.  But babyhood is so short.  I have 5 years of everyday time with each of them, and I want to use it for them.  I chose to be a mother.  God chose me to be a mother to these specific children.  And right now I am focusing my time and energy on being their 24hr/day mother, even though sometimes I don't feel like it or we have to go without something because of it.  Again, my choice.  It IS my want.  It IS what I choose to do for myself.  It's not a completely selfless act.

Two amazing blessings that share the ups and downs... Glen and my very close friends that are mothers. 

My friends are so important.  I love that I can have girlfriend time while my kids have play date time.  Sure, it's interupted and a little chaotic.  But it feeds into me, and reassures me, and energizes me.  It might not be only-me time, but it is still me-time.  It is special time.  Thanks, girls!! 

Husband-wife time is different, but so special when you have children.  They are proof of your love, and reasons for your hard work, and dreams for your future.  And being able to share parenting with the one you love is one of the true gifts in life, I think.  Being away from the kids and focused on each other might not involve spa weekends or fancy dinners (although they would be nice - ha!).  Evenings spent together after their bedtime are precious too, even if they are quiet and lazy, or spent doing housework!!  Glen and I run together some nights after they are in bed, and that companionship running side by side in step with each other is time spent together that we both love.  It's not glamorous or fancy, and we can only speak on the downhills (HAHAHA!), but it seems intimate anyway.

So even though sometimes I do just want to get away from the kids, I love being "only" their mom.  They are physically and emotionally exhausting, even when they are perfectly behaved.  And they can be so frustrating.  And unbelievably messy.  The kids can bring me to tears.  But when they grow up and leave home for good, I know I will look back on this precious preschool time and be so grateful that I had it.  A full-time, stay-at-home mom.  A dream come true.