Our new battle

I think I am the cause of my latest battle of wills with the kids.  Hannah's first non-breastmilk meal was at 8months old.  After a trip to South Africa when she was around 6months old, we decided to start her with solid food.  But she must have picked up something serious from deepest darkest Africa, because for a week after we got home she threw up everything... wasting away until at her 6month check-up she weighed less than she had at her 3month check-up!!!  It was heartbreaking and scary.  But as strangely as it appeared so it went, and we still aren't sure what the cause was.  But it put back any thoughts of solid food.  I was frightened to make her stomach upset with new foods, so the doctor agreed that we wait a while. 

From meal one I was overly conscientious.  Everything was home-made.  No baby jars for me!!  All freshly made or frozen mini-meals.  So healthy and good for her, and she grew well and smart and strong.  But I continued with those individual mini meals.  Since Glen's work schedule didn't coincide with her dinner time, I'd always feed her first and then cook for me and Glen after she was in bed.  And after Oliver came along we did the same thing partly because of the convenience of it.  They got their separate meals made for them at night before I'd cook for me and Glen.  And while they ate I would continue to bring things to them that I knew they would eat until they were full.

In the last few months life at home has felt a little unsettled.  In an attempt to reinforce Cockcroft Family time, we decided that the kids could wait for dinner until Glen was home and we'd all eat together.  I'd make sure they had had good meals in the day beforehand so that if they didn't want all the food on their plate at dinner I knew at least that they wouldn't be starving.   And if Glen was going to be late they could have a snack first.

"They" say that's the right way to do things, and we thought it was the right time to start.  I like the idea of us all eating one meal together now that the kids aren't babies any more.  It means thinking and preparing one meal,  and that after the kids' bath time and bedtime we have time to do our own thing and don't have to then cook and eat our own meal.  We also hoped that it would be a good reinforcement for good behavior and manners. 

Nope.  Not so far.

The kids have never eaten grown-up food.  My own fault.  I just cooked kid food.  No foods touching or mixed together.  No sauce.  No spices/ herbs.  Healthy.  But not how we eat.  Basically the ingredients to a meal all separate on the plate.  I decided that we needed to eat together and we needed to introduce the kids to grown-up food. 

It started off great.  I cooked extremely simple food for us all.  Encouraged the kids to try something "new", and they loved the excitement of it.  For a week.  But the minute I started to make things more complicated the arguing and whining began.  And I feel terrible.  Because table manners and basic manners mean that whining and pushing away food and scooting out from the table before you're done is not OK.  And yet I kind of understand.  It is all just so different to them.  New food.  More attention placed on the food.  A big deal.  And when they don't want what they have on their plate I am not leaping up to make them something else.  "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit".  But they are throwing fits.  And on more than one night they leave the table hardly eating a thing.  For the first time in their lives.

I have made dinner which used to be this happy carefree time of day into this big family drama.  And I feel like I am a bad mother.  I'll be interested to see how I resolve this.  I'll let you know.  It's only been 2 weeks and it feels like centuries.  I picked this battle but now I'm having second thoughts.  Pray for me...

:-(

First Race

Run Rocklin 12K
1:11:36
I was happy :) 
It was difficult... so hilly.  I knew it would be hilly, but I thought it would be no problem because I run soooo many hills here in Lincoln.  Alas.  It was very different.  In Lincoln I run up STEEP hills for a long time, and then come down long downhills.  This race was up and down non-stop from start to finish.  Almost no flat, and no hill up or down lasting much more than 2 blocks.  Yikes.
I had to concentrate pretty hard on keeping my own pace.  I am used to running in step with Glen, and in the dark.  So running with 2000 other people in the hot sun all running different paces made me really have to think about my own pace.
Coming in to the finish line was so fun.  Jen ran back to help me with the last mile and a half.  (Yup... she'd finished in 7th place... so she ran back to find me and ran with me to the end).  It was really encouraging and I felt myself being pushed into a longer faster stride with her next to me.  It was great to be able to RUN into the finish with my folks, Glen, and the kiddos cheering me on!!

It'll be the first race of many, I hope.

Time for me

Many stay at home moms are told that they don't have a life of their own, and that not having time for themselves is "sad".  Well, maybe.  I'm not so sure.  Small children, in my opinion, are a mother's responsibility.  And they take time.  Often it is not that I don't have a life of my own, it is that I only have so much time and energy in a day for two young lives and a marriage, and am putting a few of my own wants in life on the backburner.  Not forever.  For this season in my life.  And while my children are young and growing I don't want to miss anything.  I have a limited time where MY input and values can be impressed on them before they start being influenced by other adults and children, and I want to make sure that they get my full attention.  Would I like more pedicures, or shopping (for adult-size clothes and shoes), or time off?  Maybe.  But I can live without them for a while.  Often self-sacrifice is what mothering is about.  Soon they will be in school and I will have hours every day to myself to do what I want.  And I'll be able to spend that time selfishly.  But babyhood is so short.  I have 5 years of everyday time with each of them, and I want to use it for them.  I chose to be a mother.  God chose me to be a mother to these specific children.  And right now I am focusing my time and energy on being their 24hr/day mother, even though sometimes I don't feel like it or we have to go without something because of it.  Again, my choice.  It IS my want.  It IS what I choose to do for myself.  It's not a completely selfless act.

Two amazing blessings that share the ups and downs... Glen and my very close friends that are mothers. 

My friends are so important.  I love that I can have girlfriend time while my kids have play date time.  Sure, it's interupted and a little chaotic.  But it feeds into me, and reassures me, and energizes me.  It might not be only-me time, but it is still me-time.  It is special time.  Thanks, girls!! 

Husband-wife time is different, but so special when you have children.  They are proof of your love, and reasons for your hard work, and dreams for your future.  And being able to share parenting with the one you love is one of the true gifts in life, I think.  Being away from the kids and focused on each other might not involve spa weekends or fancy dinners (although they would be nice - ha!).  Evenings spent together after their bedtime are precious too, even if they are quiet and lazy, or spent doing housework!!  Glen and I run together some nights after they are in bed, and that companionship running side by side in step with each other is time spent together that we both love.  It's not glamorous or fancy, and we can only speak on the downhills (HAHAHA!), but it seems intimate anyway.

So even though sometimes I do just want to get away from the kids, I love being "only" their mom.  They are physically and emotionally exhausting, even when they are perfectly behaved.  And they can be so frustrating.  And unbelievably messy.  The kids can bring me to tears.  But when they grow up and leave home for good, I know I will look back on this precious preschool time and be so grateful that I had it.  A full-time, stay-at-home mom.  A dream come true.

Oliver the DJ

One day Oliver came into my room and said "les biki duhn".  That's what it sounded like.  And I was so patient and kept asking him what exactly he was trying to say.  I always feel so bad when I don't instantly understand what he was saying.  Turns out (after a long time getting him to repeat and repeat it) it was "Let's break it down".  He's turning into a DJ?  OK.  Well it is pretty darn cute.  Whenever you ask him something and he's really enthusiastic about it, that's his new reply.  HAHA!!!!

An aside. Some Hannah words.

Alimals - animals.  She still says this.
Goo - going to.  I think she might still say this, too.  I must listen out. 

Both completely adorable.  I'm glad I remembered these.  Because as she gets older, I'll probably forget. Now when I look back on this post I can be reminded.